Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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