Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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