Heybabeimwearingurpanties
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
