I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
