Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
