You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
