She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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