your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
