I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
