I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
