Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
