in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This house was built for laser tag.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
