Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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