She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize