would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
