I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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