I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize