o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she peed on how many people?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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