Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
