I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize