Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
