you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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