Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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