why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
