When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
