So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize