Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
