btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
