Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
