walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
