when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize