They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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