allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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