I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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