there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
