question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
