I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
