On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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