Nicole vs. Life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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