Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize