Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
