I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
