hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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