Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
