apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
