Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am one with the molecules
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
