thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
