Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
