how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
