It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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