I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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