You can't special order awesome
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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