maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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