You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
