after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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