My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
