drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
