Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
