dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Congratulations! We have a period
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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