Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
