im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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