This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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