paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
