so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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