ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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