I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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