what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just want nice things and good sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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