how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
