I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
