oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
