the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Two words: nipple clamps
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