Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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