Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
