Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
