I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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