so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize