This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
