I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
