i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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