Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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