Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
