She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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