we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
