I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
