True but thats because hes a fetus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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