things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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